The Way We Were

I remember my mother often talking about how things were better 'in her day'. I swore I never say that same thing or think that. However, after this past weekend I think back and know that the 80's really were a better time.
There was an abundance or over abundance of everything; money, time, fun, sex. I am left to think of the Gladys Knight version of the way we were: "The good ol' days, the good ol' days, everyone keeps talkin' about the good ol' days. The skies were bluer, the winters were warmer, and smiles were bright !

It really was carefree. A new job, a new life, a first love and no AIDS. Can it be that it was all so simple then, or has time rewritten very line? If we had the chance to do it all again, tell me would we ? could we ? And the answer is "yes". I would do it all again.

There will never be another time like that - at least not in my lifetime.

So please don't talk about love tonight
Please don't talk about sweet love
Please don't talk about being true
And all the trouble we've been through
Ah, please don't talk about all of the plans we had
For fixin' this broken romance
I want to go where the people dance
I want some action
I want to love
Action
I have so much to give

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B0UdP5oEn68

And so it goes.

How Fitting

Gotta get off, gonna get
Have to get off from this ride
Gotta get hold, gonna get
Need to get hold of my pride
When did I get, where did I
How was I caught in this game
When will I know, where will I
How will I think of my name
When did I stop feeling sure, feeling safe
And start wondering why, wondering why
Is this a dream, am I here, where are you
What's in back of the sky, why do we cry
Gotta get off, gonna get
Out of this merry-go-round
Gotta get off, gonna get
Need to get on where I'm bound
When did I get, where did I
Why am I lost as a lamb
When will I know, where will I
How will I learn who I am
Is this a dream, am I here, where are you
Tell me, when will I know, how will I know
When will I know why?

In My Life

There are places I remember
All my life, though some have changed
Some forever not for better
Some have gone and some remain
All these places had their moments

With lovers and friends

I still can recall
Some are dead and some are living
In my life I've loved them all
But of all these friends and lovers
There is no one compares with you
And these memories lose their meaning
When I think of love as something new
Though I know I'll never lose affection
For people and things that went before
I know I'll often stop and think about them
In my life I love you more

So what brought this song to mind ?

I was thinking about Shrek and how Princess Fiona had to find her one true love. This led me to think about my one true love which led me to think about things in my life. Lovers and friends.

Of all those I have been in a relationship with, there really is no one who compared to my first love - Joe. We were both so young and when we broke up and then tried to get back together I didn't want to, and then when I wanted to, he didn't, and then before we knew it was just too late.

And as for my friends, past, present, past-present, and future, there will be no one who will ever compare to, or replace, Elaine. There is nothing she doesn't know about me. We have shared vacations, war stories, the same bed, thankfully not the same men - although there were a couple of mine that she would have liked the opportunity to. We have shared that many splendored thing her and I.

I am a better person, I am the person I am, and I have so much to be thankful for because of Elaine. Through thick and thin, through being pissed off with one another, we have gotten through it all. And every road leads me back to her. So I dedicate these songs to her:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gFFuz5fQfZA&feature=PlayList&p=8C6634C244412D62&playnext=1&playnext_from=PL&index=27

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-XLF4dpl9MI

















And so it goes.

From One Day to the Next

I am very lucky. I had a birthday which stretched on for three days. A wonderful Sunday night dinner with my sister and her family; lunch with my work colleagues; dinner again at my sister's and dinner out tonight with a good friend of mine.

Also, out of the blue I received two phone calls from friends I had not heard from in years.

Then how come I still want more ?

No, I am not talking gifts or attention, I'm talking about my parents. The TV, newspapers and magazines are inundated with Mother's Day ads, and frankly it gets a little much too handle. I miss my Mom immensely. She was one in a million. Many will tell you that I have a good sense of humour and am very quick witted. Well if that is true, then I inherited them both from my Mom. She had a wit comparable to none. She also had one of the most incredibly generous dispositions you could imagine. The only thing greater than her generosity was her heart.

I remember when i split with my now ex. I got the following card:

It's been a difficult year for you, and you've had to deal with a lot more things than any one person should have to.

I just want to let you know that I'm keeping you in my thoughts and prayers and heart and trusting that things will get better soon.

She then went on to write the following:

Dearest Child; You know how much I love you, always have and always will - - I am always here for you. God bless and all my love always.

Mom

So my thoughts have now left of the enjoyment I had for the past couple days to that sense of emptiness. It is difficult being an adult orphan.

I am thankful for all that I had, I am thankful for the wonderful memories of both my parent. I would be just so much more thankful if I could remember on my own terms without being told to.

And so it goes.

What I Know For Sure

I wish I could take credit for the following, but I can't. It belongs to Oprah Winfrey. This article comes from her 2002 O Magazine. As you may, may not know Oprah ends each of her issues with an article entitled What I Know for Sure. This article in particular had a major impact on me. So here goes:

"The first time Tina Turner appeared on my show I wanted to run away with her, be a back up girl, and dance all night on stage. (As any gay guy would want as well I might add). Well that dream came true one night in L.A. when the show went on tour with Tina. After a full day's rehearsal for just one song, I got my chance. It was the most nerve-racking, knee-shaking, exhilarating experience for me. For five minutes and 27 seconds I got a chance to feel what it's like to rock onstage. I have never been more out of my element, out of my body. I remember counting the steps in my head, trying to keep the rhythm, waiting for the big kick, and being so self-conscious. Then, in an instant, it dawned on me: Okay girl, this is going to be over soon. And if I didn't loosen up, I would miss the fun of it. So I threw my head back, forgot abut step, step, turn, kick, and I just danced. WHEEEEW! was that fun.

Several months later I received a package from my friend and mentor Maya Angelou - she'd said she was sending me a gift she'd want any daughter of hers to have. When I opened it, I found a CD with a song by Lee Ann Womack that I can still hardly listen to without boohooing. The song, which is a testament to Maya's life, has this line as its refrain: When you get the choice to sit it out or dance, I hope you dance.

What I know for sure is that every day brings a chance for you to draw a breath, kick off your shows, and step out and dance - to live free of regret and filled with as much joy, fun, and laughter as you can stand. You can either waltz boldly onto the floor of life and live the way you know your spirit is nudging you to, or you can sit quietly by the wall, receding in the shadows of fear and self-doubt. You have the choice this very moment - the only moment you have for certain. Are you dancing in the light or languishing in the dark? If your life ended tomorrow, what would you regret not doing? If this were the last day of your life would you spend it the way you're spending it today ? When was the last time you laughed with your girlfriend till your sides hurt or dropped the kids off with a sitter and went away for an entire weekend?

I once passed a billboard that caught my attention. It read HE WHO DIES WITH THE MOST TOYS IS STILL DEAD. Anyone who has ever come close to death can tell you that at the end of your life, you probably won't be reminiscing about how many all-nighters you pulled at the office or how much your mutual fund is worth. The thoughts that linger are the "only if" questions, like Who could I have become if I had only done the things I always wanted to do?

The gift of deciding to face your mortality without turning away or flinching is the gift of recognizing that because you will die, you must live now. Whether you flounder or flourish is always in your hands - you are the single biggest influence in your life. And your journey begins with a choice to get up, step out and live fully.

I (and me too) hope you (none of us) don't get so wrapped up in nonessential stuff this summer that you forget to enjoy yourself - because this moment is about to be over. I hope you'll look back and remember this season as the time when you decided to make every one of your moments count, to relish each day as if there would never be another. And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance, I hope you dance.

And so it goes.